Risk Factor
by Xenoglossy
Summary: Whether it's boredom or a midlifeqcrisis, Roy wants a little excitement in his sex life. But when you're lover happens to be Edward Elric, nothing ever goes quite as planned.


This is totally not the kind of Roy/Ed I usually write. Actually, to tell the truth, it's totally not even MY kind of Roy/Ed. However, this fic isn't for me, it's for Kyt. Who is cool and stuff.

So you want some slash that really doesn't read like I wrote it? Then you've come to the right place!

**Risk Factor**  
_Cephied Variable_

"Edward, is it just me, or do you find our sexual relations to be somewhat... lackluster?"

Ed was propped against Roy's shoulder, a heavy book on his lap and a well-chewed pen dangling from his mouth. His yearly assesments were coming up in less than a week and the boy had returned to East City in order to study like a thing possessed. It seemed as if he constantly had his nose stuck in a book these days. He was neglecting Al, sleeping overnight in the library and when he mentioned offhandedly that he wanted to borrow Roy's private library for the day, he actually meant that he wanted to use it for _study_ and not, er... well, things most definitely not involving books or pens or notebooks.

"Sex is sex." Ed answered, keeping his eyes trained on the text, "_I_ like it."

Roy supressed a sigh. Of _course_ Ed liked it- he was fifteen years old! His sex drive was not only approaching it's prime, it was _hurtling_ towards it at full throttle. At that age, boys finished so quickly that they hardly had time to even _consider_ the sexual satisfaction of their (possibly frustrated) partners. Roy chose not to discuss this matter with the younger alchemist, and said: "Well, I was just wondering whether you-"

"Aren't you having your mid life crisis a bit early, Colonel?" Ed interrupted lazily, flipping a page, "I thought that adults only started desperately grasping for kinks when they hit fourty."

"It's not that-" Roy insisted. Because it wasn't. Really. He was still young and _relatively_ virtile. It was just... well, there had always been a certain expectation that his relationship with Edward would be one often frought with danger and excitment as they desperately vied to keep their more intimate relations a closely guarded secret. However, the whole affair had turned out to be a disturbingly _domestic_ one: Edward came home and came over for one night, and one night only. They had sex- mostly quick and loud (because, really, Fullmetal honestly did not know how to shut up), but sometimes it was slow and tangible and unnervingly _silent_ (and these were the moments where Roy had a difficult time taking the relationship at face value because sometimes there was this look that glazed over in Edward's eyes, speaking volumes more than any words ever could). Then they would fight (or rather, _Edward_ would fight and Roy would sip his coffee and read the morning paper) and Roy would be forced to transmute the door-hinges back into their proper shape once again.

Certainly it was hard on the heart, hard on his nerves and (especially) hard on his back, but there was a surprisingly low risk factor to the entire thing.

So, no. Roy would not admit that he had been _craving_ that risk factor. Not in a million years.

"It's just that-" he flounded for a moment, before latching on to the right lie, "Well, you see Fullmetal. Most women seem adverse to... many of the more _intriguing_ sexual practices. I feel as if I have missed out on something. Although I do not practicularily _crave_ alternative forms of sexual intercourse, I certainly am interested now that I have what _appears_ to be a willing partner. And thus-"

"Hell," Ed groaned, licking his thumb and turning another page, "I have to finish this book by _tonight_. Would you stop dancing around the subject and just tell me what the fuck it is that you want?"

Roy swallowed and leaned close to his young lover, lowering his voice as if speaking his words aloud would somehow shatter Edward's rare and delicate calm, "Outside." he whispered.

"Outside?" Edward repeated, "That's not so-"

"Somewhere _public_." Roy elaborated.

Ed didn't answer for a moment, "You mean, like, with people around?"

Roy nodded, his palms sweating. Getting Edward to agree was half the battle. The other half would be quelling his own regret the moment they stepped out the door.

Ed finally deigned to spare him a stray glance out of the corner of his vision. The blonde studied him for a moment, then shrugged his narrow shoulders non-commitally, "Eh, sure. Whatever." a pause, "As long as my brother never finds out about it."

--------------------------

Seventeen minutes later they were seated side by side on a park bench (which was less comfortable than they expected it would be) in the middle of East City. On a sunny day, the park would have been packed with children and picnics and the elderly taking their pre-death bed afternoon strolls. However, it was slightly over cast and thus the park was relatively private.

Relatively being a relative word. It still wasn't the ideal setting for an intimate liason, so to speak. There was a set of brave picniccers far off enough that their conversation was drowned out by the yawning space between. Unfortunately their children were running free and rampart and every so often wandered close enough that Roy could catch their high pitched giggles.

"Something tells me that we'll need to be stealthy about this." Ed commented, his nose still shoved in his book. Roy was dressed in his civvies to avoid unwanted attention, but he still found himself shaking all over.

Oh, he wanted danger alright, but he was beginning to wonder if they should have tried sex in his office first before skipping right to the park bench.

"So how are we doing this?" Ed wondered, sounding terribly impatient for the entire ordeal to be over. It just wasn't _normal_ for a teenaged boy to be more interested in books than sex. For the first time in three years, Roy began to wonder if there _was_ something deeply flawed in Edward Elric's psyche.

"Mmm, come here." Roy discreetly slipped an arm around the boy's waist, pulling him closer and dancing his fingers up thin legs, which certainly got Edward's attention. The blonde lowered his book slowly as his golden eyes grew wide and his mouth fell open.

"O-okay." Ed sighed, a bit breathless, "What next? Or did you even think that far ahead?"

Roy tried (and failed) to keep his breathing even, "Well, you'll have to-" and he hoisted Edward over his knee and bit back a moan as the boy wriggled to fit himself between his legs. The blonde settled himself and Roy rested his chin on Ed's shoulder.

"This... is _so_ stupid..." Ed gasped, gritting his teeth and knocking his metal heel against Roy's shin.

"Ouch." Roy winced and softly slid his hands beneath Ed's jacket, fingers working at undoing the boy's belt with much less subtly than he would have liked.

"You're such a... _gah_, ASSHOLE. How the fuck did I let you talk me into this?" and finally, Roy's fingers found skin.

"Mmm, Fullmetal, you were so immersed in that book of yours I doubt you were even listening to what I was asking you. It's your fault so don't-" Ed kicked him again and he twitched, "Complain."

"My assessment's coming up, you bastard. I _need_ to study in order to- oh _fuck_!" Ed's words dissolved into a guttural noise, "Do _that_ again."

"Hmph." Roy smirked, "And what have you done for _me_ lately?"

Ed whined in the back of his throat, "Oh, for _fuck's_ sake! I- uhhhh- shit. There was that... thing... on that last mission- which was completely and utter _crap_ by the way- and I- oooh." Ed arched slightly, "Oh, okay. Okay. That's good too. Just-"

And Roy stopped, "Edward." he muttered urgently, "Pick up your book and pretend you're reading."

"Uuuh?" Ed's level of coherency was quickly deteriorating, but he did it anyways and Roy quickly moved his hands to less suggestive parts of the boy's body and did his best to read over Edward's shoulder.

The book was upside down, but he caught something about the inticritcies of chimera crafting when it came to merging land based creatures with sea faring animals. Absolutely complelling material. Roy was so focused on the shallow way Edward was breathing, and the way the boy's skin was flushed red that he didn't take the time to observe the two people who walked by in quiet conversation, completely oblivious to the inappropiate acts being committed less than a yard away. When they were gone, Ed dropped the book and Roy's hand found it's way along the boy's inner thigh.

"T-this really is _stupid_." Ed managed to rasp after a moment, "D-don't you think that our position is just a little-" he cut himself off with a yelp, "Suspicious!" he finished, his voice strained.

"I wouldn't worry about it, Fullmetal." Roy chuckled as he braved dragging his fingers through Edward's tangled hair, "Anyone who happens to see this will not automatically assume the worst. They will probably think that we are-" he paused to think of a possible scenario- preferably one that would poke fun at Ed's height, "Well, they may assume that you are a young child, sitting in his father's lap while being read to. That is a very common-"

Before he could process what was happening, Ed's heat and weight had left his lap and quite suddenly Roy was being punched in the face. His head hit the back of the bench and rebounded, leaving his vision all spinny and tinged with red. He dragged his dizzy gaze up to meet Ed's rage-filled eyes.

Oops. Roy wondered if perhaps he had gone too far with that one.

"That's... that's..." Ed shook his head and clenched his fists, "_You're_ disgusting!" he adjusted his clothing and began to stomp off, only to return a few minutes later to collect his book. Then he left for real.

Roy rubbed his jaw thoughtfully and stared at the gray, mid afternoon sky.

Yup. Definitely should have tried the office sex first.

**the end**


End file.
